A Ten Mile "Run" and Some Conviction

WARNING! If you read this, you might realize I'm not perfect (like I'm sure you all think) and it's a bit on the long side of things, but worth reading (if you really care about me) in my humble opinion.

I got off work early today and decided I would go for a 10 mile run. Now you have to realize, I've just started running again in the last few months and usually run 3 miles 2 or 3 times a week. The last time I had run 10 miles was 4 years ago when, for a year or 2, I had been consistently running 4 times a week, playing ultimate frisbee 3 or 4 times a week and lifting weights 2 or 3 times a week. To say I was being a little overambitious wouldn't be a stretch. A cold front and some showers had just come through and had brought it down into the 70's (ya, that's cool for 2 pm in Texas in June). So I threw on my running gear and took off down the service road of 287. At about the three mile mark, I was starting to think maybe I should go ahead and head back under the next overpass. But, I asked God what he thought and asked for the light to turn green if I should keep going. Sure enough, as soon as I was within 5 feet of the intersection, it turned green and I continued on my way. As I was running, I noticed there were a butt-load of churches. There were seriously 4 within 1 1/2 miles. As I approached the 5 mile mark, there was a huge hill and a head wind, so I decided I would walk a bit and then continue on with my run as I turned the corner and went back up the other side of the highway. I walked under the overpass and ran about another 1/2 mile and then the reality of the situation hit me as I stopped to walk again. I looked up and realized that not only had the clouds disappeared, but it was approaching the 90's and my much-anticipated tailwind had vanished (along with my desire to run another step). So there I was, mad at the weather man for lying to me and stuck with 4 plus miles to walk back home. Lame.

I decided I would make the best of it and talk a bit with God (since He was the one who got me into this back at the stoplight!). As I thought and prayed (and hoped a car would come to take me out of my misery, give me a ride or at least give me a little breeze) I began to notice that not only was this road traveled much more quickly by car and I was developing a sweet farmer's tan/burn, but there was a lot of trash on the side of the road. That's when God nudged me and this whole long run-walk-thing became a huge parable for my recent life.

My first 18 months in Alaska were amazing and spiritually tranforming with continual growth. I learned so much about God, had awesome brothers and sisters to partner with and was blessed to be apart of what He was doing in the world. [Parallel: when I was in awesome shape in college]. During that time many supernatural things happened including receiving the call to go to Ecuador this summer. But... after Christmas, I started slipping into disobedience. It was an easy, smooth, slipperly and slow slide. I barely noticed. I won't go into all the details, but my biggest form of rebellion was not working-- physically, not having a job--mentally, not being serious about learning spanish--spiritually, walking in obedience to where I knew God was leading (very related to the physical and mental). [Parallel: the 2 years after college when I wasn't super physically active]. So what happens when you stop exercising? Your energy level drops, you sleep more and you're just less there. On top of that, you quickly forget how much better it was when you were taking care of yourself. The same priniciple is so true in other areas of life.

As I finished my time in Alaska, I was drained and cynical. I wasn't walking in darkness, but I was sure walking in lethargy. Not only that but God was clearly telling me how important it was that I prepare to meet His work in Ecuador [Parallel: all the churches on the side of the road]. I have to admit to you that my flesh is crying out for me to justify myself, to tell you about all the good things I did and how I was still better than a lot of people, but that's deceptive and unimportant. All I can really say to you is "sorry", because I robbed God and you. God had so much more for me and, by association, the whole Body fo Christ, but I basically said "No, I'll be fine living off the blessings of the past and my own effort." [Parallel: the 5 miles I actually did accomplish running while it was still cool outside]. So, I'm asking for your forgiveness, no matter if you think I actually wronged you or not, because I did.

So does that mean my life's ruined and I'm stuck with the consequences of a 5 months of disobedience? NO!!! As I was about to finish the 10 miles, the lyrics from the song I was listening to (the 3rd time through the same CD, yep it takes me a while to get things sometimes) really hit home. They're from the song "The Tease" by Evans Blue (not a Christian band). The chorus goes:

Hold your hands into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time

So true! My first instinct is to want to have more time, words, rest or whatever, so that I can fix all my wrongs instead of falling on the grace of Jesus as He redeems all things. That's the beauty of God! As I walked down the service road of the highway, I did just that: raised my hands to God and prayed for mercy, because I really can't make up for my sins. It was an awesome moment, and I'm sure onlookers just thought I was trying to catch my breath. Hehe. 2 Timothy 2:20-21 says:

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

What that says to me, is that God's uses everything and everyone for his purpose, but he lets us choose whether or not we're going to enjoy it. In other words, we can be the fancy silverwear or the toilet. We can be feeding the body or serving it in other ways... Not only that, but we can be can be promoted from one end of the spectrum to the other (take a second to let that one sink in) if we so choose. So what do we do about it? The next verse says, "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Not easy, but so simple and so good.

So where does that leave me? Yes, God wants me to take this journey [the green light], but it's going to take a bit longer and be a bit more painful getting there than I was anticipating [the five miles of walking and looking at trash as the Texas sun beat down on me]. I was planning on leaving for Ecuador this week, but it looks like it might be another week or 2 before I can go. The last few weeks in Texas have healed and rejuvenated me as I remember what it's like to walk to God's rhythm. Praise be to God for His continual patience, His enduring love and yes, His disipline! Amen.